Our cat has to be picked up in stages. He is enlarged in his fatness. His girth spreads over time zones and dimensions. Quantum physics can't describe his bulk. My wife suggests a gentle diet, so, ‘He doesn’t explode’. I suggest having his hair shaved and stomach stapled with industrial strength steel grommets.
The Annoying Habit of Henry VIII
King Henry was a fearless jouster. In competitions, people rooting for him got to sit in gilded bleachers and were plied with free alcohol and cooked game served by fair maids. The opposition sat in fetid mud, drank warm slime out of broken casks and ate gruel….Henry always had time for jousting, even when he was otherwise busy ordering beheadings, abbey thrashings, and the odd invasion of Normandy.
How Lunch Ruined Western Civilization
My wife produced homemade mayonnaise for a party we had which contained 231,875 % fat, the caloric equivalent of 32x347 to the 10th power, and instantly rotted the wallpaper and countertops. Four people exploded after eating it, three of them theoretical dieticians.
And many other stories…….
What others are saying about this book:
“I couldn’t put it down, since it was glued to my hands!” – Attila the Hun
“Lots of words!”- Che “Che” Guevara
“Two thumbs up!” - Caligula
“Offensive and hurtful!”- Frisket Mac.
Find out more: My Parakeet was an Anarchist
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