Our cat has to be picked up in stages. He is enlarged in his fatness. His girth spreads over time zones and dimensions. Quantum physics can't describe his bulk. My wife suggests a gentle diet, so, ‘He doesn’t explode’. I suggest having his hair shaved and stomach stapled with industrial strength steel grommets.
The Annoying Habit of Henry VIII
King Henry was a fearless jouster. In competitions, people rooting for him got to sit in gilded bleachers and were plied with free alcohol and cooked game served by fair maids. The opposition sat in fetid mud, drank warm slime out of broken casks and ate gruel….Henry always had time for jousting, even when he was otherwise busy ordering beheadings, abbey thrashings, and the odd invasion of Normandy.
How Lunch Ruined Western Civilization
My wife produced homemade mayonnaise for a party we had which contained 231,875 % fat, the caloric equivalent of 32x347 to the 10th power, and instantly rotted the wallpaper and countertops. Four people exploded after eating it, three of them theoretical dieticians.
And many other stories…….
What others are saying about this book:
“I couldn’t put it down, since it was glued to my hands!” – Attila the Hun
“Lots of words!”- Che “Che” Guevara
“Two thumbs up!” - Caligula
“Offensive and hurtful!”- Frisket Mac.
Find out more: My Parakeet was an Anarchist
Popular posts from this blog
A teacher’s creation! This is a highly enjoyable witty fictional book centred around school life and the dreaded Ofsted Inspection. The fictional Beaver's Brook Primary School had received a justifiably scathing report . . . The fragile lives of the teachers are held open to scrutiny and ridicule. Their hopes and aspirations crumble beneath a diatribe of no-holds-barred mockery, in which love, ambition, jealousy, passion, guilt and innocence collide - with disastrous consequences. Have you read this book? Share your thought here. Find out more: Mystery Deceit and a School Inspector
Mammograms Save Lives By Avril Dalziel Saunders Avril was diagnosed with breast cancer in March 2011. After a mammogram she was called back to receive the devastating news that she had breast cancer. She felt well, had no symptoms, had never smoked, ate a healthy diet and exercised regularly, so how could this be? There was no explanation, it can happen to anyone! Author Avril Dalziel Saunders says ‘…I want to inspire and encourage these women as well as women all over the world to have regular checks. …my profit from the book sales will go to Breast Cancer Care and Macmillan Nurses. I am shouting this out loud…‘MAMMOGRAMS SAVE LIVES!’… Find out more “Inspiring and triumphant” …publishedbestsellers.com Genre: Coping with illness and specific conditions ISBN: 978-1-907728-36-5 Publication Date: 23 February 2012 Edition/Format: 1st/Paperback Book Size: 203 x 127 mm 70pp
Q1. As succinctly as possible, tell us why someone should read your book. Telepathic elves, intuitive trees, space travel, evil clones and chocolate cake… say no more. Q2. Where did you draw your inspiration from for your characters? Umm, Caramel is a bit like me. Some of my family have read the book and just laughed, knowing that is how I would say something. Q3. What is the main message you want to convey to your readers in your books? Caramel may have a disability but she learns to capitalise on her unique abilities. I hope kids will identify with her struggles and be encouraged by her courage and determination. Q4. How did it compare to write the first book, “Escape From the Forbidden Planet” versus the second book, “Return to Cardamom” in the series? The characters and world building were already explained by book 2, so it felt easier to continue their journey. Q5. Can we expect more books from you in the future? Hmmm, book 3 in the trilogy has all the